


The Five Love Languages: A Hypothesis

by HonestlyJustHereForALaff



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22729660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HonestlyJustHereForALaff/pseuds/HonestlyJustHereForALaff
Summary: When Kurt finds out there's more than one love language, he has to wonder if Blaine really doesn't feel the same, or if there's just a language barrier.Only one way to find out, right?
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	1. Abstract

“Okay, one more, one more!”

Kurt rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t be too angry. It was the first time he’d really had a girl’s night sleepover since he transferred to Dalton, and he’d missed Rachel and Mercedes. Everyone, really. He knew he’d made the right choice in transferring, but it was still nice to catch up.

It seemed the theme of the night had been personality tests. They’d all found out their Hogwarts house, their color, their number, their Meyers-Briggs type, and of course, their full astronomical chart.

Even though Rachel would argue about every result she got that didn’t explicitly mention how she was going to be a star one day, and Mercedes looked like she was going to throw hands if she heard Rachel say the words “natural talent” one more time, he was still having a blast.

He wondered if Blaine would enjoy any of this. He didn’t think he’d hate it, per se, but would he enjoy things like doing each other’s hair? He was definitely curious about what his hair really looked like under all that gel...

“Hello? Earth to Kurt?”

Kurt snapped back to attention, noticing that Rachel and Mercedes were both staring. “Sorry, got distracted.”

“Yeah, I bet you did,” Mercedes said, almost laughing. “You are so far gone.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Rachel said we should do the love language test, and you instantly went off to Blaine-Land in that hairsprayed head of yours.”

Kurt felt his face get a bit warm, but he tried to change the subject. “What do you mean, love language? There’s more than one?”

“This website says there’s five,” Rachel said. “Everyone go to your phones, I texted you the website.”

Kurt was just glad they had a reason not to smirk at him anymore. He knew he needed to stop thinking about Blaine that way. If he’d felt the same way, he would have said so by now, right? No sense dwelling. He just enjoyed the comfortable silence as they all took the test.

“Done!” Rachel piped up first. “Mine is Words of Affirmation.”  
Mercedes and Kurt gave each other a look. Neither of them were surprised, and they continued the test as Rachel went off on a rant about how she needed to find a way to subtly show these results to Finn so he could finally just profess his undying love already.

“Acts of Service,” Mercedes said after a few more moments. “Hm. Never really thought about that.”

“Makes sense. You’re the advice queen, after all,” Kurt said with a smile.

“Does that count?”

“Of course!” Rachel had rejoined the conversation. “Acts of Service are any form of help you give someone. It’s not just chores, it can be anything you do for someone that helps them out.”

Mercedes gave her a look. “You already knew about these, didn’t you? And you knew which one you were.”

Rachel at least had the decency to look sheepish. “It says they can change.”

“When was the last time you took it?”

Pause. “Two days ago. But a lot’s changed in those two days!”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

Rachel struggled for an answer for a moment, then turned to Kurt. “You look like you’re done.”

He was, but he was a bit embarrassed. “Do I have to?”

“Ooo, is it Physical Touch?” Rachel tried and failed to waggle her eyebrows.

“No.”

“Are you sure? Why else would you be embarrassed?”

“Just…” Kurt sighed. “I’m feeling really shallow right now.”

“Shallow?” Mercedes asked. “What do you--?”

“Oh, it must be Gift-Giving, then,” Rachel cut her off.

Kurt looked down and nodded. He hadn’t known what the other ones were, and they all sounded so much nicer and more selfless than wanting gifts.

“Hey, it’s not shallow,” Mercedes said, reaching over to put a hand on his shoulder. “Who doesn’t like flowers, right?”

“And it’s not about being materialistic, anyway,” Rachel moved to sit on his other side. “The profile says the gifts don’t need to be expensive, as long as they’re personal reminders of your loved one’s love.”

“Redundant,” Kurt couldn’t help but mutter. He wasn’t sure why this was upsetting him so much, but it just felt selfish.

“Come on,” Mercedes said as she wrapped an arm around him. Kurt waited for her to continue, and after a second, she did. “You know your mom?”

Kurt felt the familiar pang in his heart. “I know of her.”

“You told us you go to her dresser when you miss her because it smells like her. And you have that box of momentos.”

Kurt finally looked up at her. “That counts?”

“They’re physical objects that remind you of someone you love. So yes,” Rachel answered.

“There’s no wrong way to love, Kurt,” Mercedes smiled, and Kurt finally smiled back.

“Thanks,” He whispered, finally giving her a hug back.

“But let’s get back to talking about your man.”

Kurt groaned and pushed himself away. As much as he didn’t want to keep hearing about Finn and Rachel’s latest drama, it was strange to have the focus on him.

“Hey, yeah!” Rachel was on board, too. Great. “Didn’t you say he gets you coffee, like, all the time?”

Kurt sat up straight. He did, and it always made his heart beat faster when he’d hand it to him with that charming smile of his. “Does that mean he feels the same?”

“Easy, tiger,” Mercedes laughed. “We’re just saying that gets you going because that’s when he’s speaking your language. You still don’t know his.”

Kurt was starting to see the appeal of Rachel sneaking Finn this test.

“Seems like it might be a good thing to know,” He said.

“Maybe,” Mercedes shrugged. “If nothing else, it might make it more clear to him how you feel.”

“Which could end really well, or with catastrophic failure,” Rachel felt the need to add.

“Either way, you won’t be left wondering anymore,” Mercedes tried to save it.

Kurt was terrified, but they were right. As much as he wanted to keep Blaine at all costs, he was also sick of being in this limbo. It was sink or swim. Now or never.

“What are all the languages again?” He asked, opening the notes app on his phone.


	2. Trial 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after this one, the updates are going to be more of a weekly thing than a few-days thing, but since the first chapter was more of a prologue than anything, I figured I'd get a real chapter up sooner rather than later. Enjoy!

_**Kurt's Language Experiment: Notes  
Trial 1--Gift-Giving:** _

* * *

He waited a few days after the sleepover to start this experiment, for two reasons.

First, he wanted to watch Blaine and see if he could figure out his love language for himself, just by paying attention. But it wasn’t as clear as he’d hoped.

He got Kurt coffee whenever they went to the Lima Bean, but otherwise wasn’t very gift-y. He liked spending Quality Time with his friends, Kurt included, but who didn’t? He helped Kurt with homework or with picking an audition song, but he helped other people, too, even people he didn’t know very well. Same with touch--anyone he helped usually got a pat on the shoulder or a high-five or something. And he was always generous with compliments when people deserved them.

Clearly, just watching him was not going to work.

The easiest one to start with would be his own, but he had to be careful. Coffee was a gift, but couldn’t it technically count as an act of service, getting it for him? And it couldn’t be anything too expensive, either, since it was going to be so out of the blue.

When he took his semi-monthly trip to the thrift store to find some new pieces, though, something caught his eye. He literally gasped when he saw it, and knew it would be the perfect thing for his little experiment.

* * *

The next day, he practically skipped out of his car to pick up Blaine for their study date (get together, study get-together). Even though this was the language that came most easily to him, it felt really purposeful this time, and he was nervous.

Blaine answered the door, wearing a simple white polo shirt and blue jeans.

Perfect, in more ways than one.

“I see your thrifting was a success,” Blaine said as they walked to the car, nodding to his outfit. Kurt was going to ask how he knew, but he supposed the brooch was a bit of a giveaway.

“Very much so,” He said, sliding into the car. God, his heart was pounding. “I even found something for you.”

He was purposely looking away, pretending to look for it in his bag, as if he hadn’t tucked it away oh-so-carefully. He didn’t know what the slight pause was, but then Blaine was huffing out a laugh. “What? Kurt, you didn’t have to--”

“It was on clearance, and believe me, no one else would have gotten it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kurt was a bit relieved to hear the teasing tone back in his voice.

Kurt almost told him that no one else in Lima could come close to being as fashionable as either of them, but realized that could count as words of affirmation. He couldn’t mess with the experiment.

Instead, he just took it out, and presented it to Blaine. “Here.”

He saw Blaine’s face this time. He watched him let out a small gasp, smile up at him, and gently take it from him. “Kurt, this is...it’s perfect.”

Kurt absolutely beamed. He knew Blaine had a lot of bow ties, but he liked to think he was at least vaguely aware of every kind he had in his collection. He was almost certain he had nothing like the one he’d just given him--a pre-tied, dark blue one with some black blended in, and painted to look like a night sky full of stars. But he could never really be sure, it wasn’t as if he’d ever been in his closet, no matter how many times he'd asked to see it.

But if Blaine’s big smile was any indicator, he’d gotten it right.

Blaine had pulled down the visor by now and opened up the mirror, putting it on right away. “You know, I just knew my outfit was missing something today,” He said, turning back once it was on straight. “Should have known you'd have my back.”

A hand on his arm. Lingering, maybe. Just a little. “Thanks, Kurt.” 

“Always available in a fashion emergency,” He answered, hoping the slight breathlessness wasn’t too noticeable as he finally pulled out of the driveway.

* * *

_**Gift-Giving: Success  
Response: Positive, but not abnormal  
Responding Language: Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch **_

_**Conclusions: Indecisive. Continue testing.**_


	3. Trial 2

**_Trial 2: Words of Affirmation_ **

* * *

Kurt decided to go off one of the love languages Blaine had answered with the other day (possibly ignoring the other on purpose). If he was comfortable enough to speak it, as it were, then it was possibly his main love language, right?

It ended up being hard to implement, though. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t talk to Blaine—they talked for hours every single day. That could definitely mean it was his love language, but it also made it hard to analyze, get a control.

God, implement, analyze, control? Wasn’t love supposed to be romantic and instinctual? He felt more like he was in Chemistry class. 

If only there were any chemistry.

At the end of the day, he knew it couldn’t just be a regular conversation or compliment. It would have to be something big to prove his point.

* * *

His opportunity came when he ended up accompanying Blaine to an audition to be part of the entertainment for Miss Ohio USA. Apparently they only wanted male acts so the girls wouldn’t get even more competitive and start an all-out brawl. Kurt was only going with him because the audition happened to fall on their usual Lima Bean day and Blaine said he would need the time to decompress afterwards, so Kurt thought he could discount this being seen as an act of service. 

Blaine had seemed confident enough when he’d first told him about all this, but it seemed he’d learned something before he picked Kurt up that set him off.

“I mean, what does he even need this gig for?” Blaine was ranting, one hand flying around for emphasis while the other gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles. “The guy gets hundreds of thousands of views on YouTube every day, he does brand deals all over the place, and he’s already talking about setting up a US tour! Does he really need to be taking gigs from the rest of us? This could be a huge opportunity for so many of us, and it’s just another cool vlogging location for him on his way to getting a record deal before he even starts applying to colleges!”

Kurt has been listening to this the whole ride over, when he wasn’t keeping an eye on the road and the speedometer in equal measure. He didn’t catch the guy’s name, but he was clearly a big deal if Blaine was ranting like this.

Because by now, Kurt knew what angry Blaine sounded like. There was definitely anger here, but it was more than that. 

Blaine was actually _nervous._

Kurt had never seen him nervous before an audition, didn’t think it was even possible. Before tests, sure. Before asking his dad for a small favor, absolutely. But singing seemed as easy for Blaine as breathing. He walked into auditions with the same ease he walked into his own house.

But even with how much he was gesturing, Kurt could see he was shaking.

When they arrived, Blaine cut his ranting short and unclipped his seatbelt, clearly ready to race out of the car.

Kurt reached out to physically stop him, but hesitated. Purely because it would mess with the experiment, of course. 

His voice could be counted on to carry, though. 

“Blaine, look at me.”

“I have to get in there—“

“Thanks to all that speeding you did, you’re almost two hours early. Even for an audition, that’s too early. Look at me?”

Blaine took a deep breath, then finally turned around. 

As soon as those eyes locked on his, Kurt knew this wasn’t going to be easy. Words were definitely not his own love language, and he worried about saying too much and giving everything away.

But part of him knew Blaine needed to hear it. A shoulder pat or even a quick hug wouldn’t do. He needed to be reassured.

“I don’t know the guy you were ranting about, and I don’t care. You have the talent--”

“So does he, clearly,” Blaine muttered.

“Does he?” Kurt was quick to counter. “Because you were just ranting about how much money and influence this guy has. Don’t you think that might have something to do with why he’s here?”

Blaine didn’t respond. Kurt hoped that was a good thing.

“Look, you’re talented, you know that. But it’s not just some innate thing. You work for it. You have the Warblers, voice lessons on top of that, and you’ve booked so many gigs on your own. You’ve got roots here, a reputation with the community that’ll go way farther than views and subscribers. If you’re both equally talented, don’t you think they’ll go with the guy who stopped in the middle of his own number to help a drunk lady who fell out of her wheelchair?”

Blaine finally laughed for the first time that day. “That was my first retirement home gig, too.”

“And now you go a few times a year,” Kurt said softly. “You’re a joy to have around, on and off stage. If they choose a bratty vlogger over that, they’re idiots.”

Blaine shot him one of those smiles that made Kurt’s heart melt. “You’re the best, you know that?” He said, pulling him into a one-armed hug. It was a little awkward with the console in the way, but Kurt couldn’t care less.

“It’s a burden I’m aware of, yes,” Kurt said, hoping the sass would distract Blaine from the blush he could feel forming on his face.

Blaine pulled away, still smiling. “It shouldn’t take too long. Wait for me?”

Always, He almost blurted out. In reality, he just nodded, not trusting his voice after realizing what he almost said.

While he waited, he cleared his head enough to write some preliminary notes.

* * *

**_Words of Affirmation: Success_ **

**_Response: So sweet I think I actually died_ **

**_Responding Language: Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch_ **

* * *

He smiled as he saw a very noticeable pattern. This was going to be easier than he thought.

True to his word, Blaine came back in just thirty minutes later, all smiles.

“Good audition?” Kurt asked, though he already knew the answer.

“One of my best, actually,” Blaine answered, a little breathless from the adrenaline.

“Told you,” Kurt said as he finally shifted the car back in gear.

“I can’t believe I almost psyched myself out like that,” Blaine said. “I am so buying your coffee for the next week for keeping me sane.”

Normally, that would make Kurt swoon, but he just wanted to bang his head on the steering wheel.

He waited till he got home to get out his notes app again.

* * *

**_Addendum: Subject later responded with coffee shop platonic date: aka Gift Giving and Quality Time, possibly also Act of Service._**

**_  
_ **

**_Observer is back at square one and is considering screaming into a pillow for an hour straight._ **


	4. Trial 3

**_Trial 3: Acts of Service_ **

* * *

Kurt spent the next few days obsessing over which language he should try next, but the absolute neanderthals at McKinley made the choice for them.

“Kurt, come on, it could have been an accident,” Blaine was trying to insist.

“If your tires were on the verge of losing that much air, I would have noticed. Mechanic’s son, remember?”

Blaine couldn’t argue with that, it seemed, looking back at his left back tire, which had almost no air left in it. There wasn’t a noticeable slash, no doubt to keep suspicion away from foul play. It was probably just a pin or something, but there was no doubt in Kurt’s mind that it was intentional.

He’d just needed to stop by the school to pick up a brooch Mercedes had borrowed, and Blaine had wanted to say hi to everyone. And now this.

It made him grateful they were both at Dalton. Kurt wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he made Blaine this much of a target every day.

“Think your dad would come help me out if we called him?” Blaine asked, trying for a smile.

Kurt did not answer with one, though. Instead, he actually glared. “What am I, last month’s Vogue? Mechanic’s. Son. Remember?”

“You’re going to change my tire?” Blaine asked doubtfully, and just as Kurt was about to tear his face open, crush be damned, Blaine glanced down at his outfit. “In that?”

His anger dissipated a bit. Okay, fair, he thought. Kurt was wearing one of his favorite pairs of white pants, along with a pale blue jacket and scarf combo that he was excited to break out since winter was coming to a close.

But he just shrugged. “If there’s one thing worth ruining my outfit for, it’s defending the Hummel family name. Now, hand me the spare and the jack.”

Blaine just gave a blank stare.

“They’re in the trunk?” Kurt provided.

“No, they’re not. I’ve never seen them.” Blaine insisted.

Kurt groaned, going over to pop the trunk himself. “I thought my dad said you knew your way around a car?”

“My dad handled the body and tires, mostly. I did the engine. He said I needed to get my hands dirty. Learn some real man’s work or something.”

Kurt’s attitude instantly dropped. He knew Blaine never liked talking about his dad, why’d he have to needle him about it?

Great job flirting, Hummel, He thought. You wanna bring up his dead dog and old bullies while we’re at it?

“Sorry,” He muttered, but Blaine just smiled that charming smile of his.

“Hey, I brought him up, not you. And this is something I should learn, anyway.”

Dammit, how did he always know what to say?

“Well, for the record, your spare and jack are under the floor of the trunk,” Kurt said, lifting it up to show him. “You’re gonna need a new spare after this, though, obviously.”

“Good thing I happen to know a great place to get one, then.”

Kurt rolled his eyes as he fought down a blush. “Shut up and get me some rocks.”

“Rocks?” Blaine laughed.

“Yeah, big ones, at least two. Or bricks, if you can find ‘em. We need to put one on each side of the tire so it doesn’t start rolling.”

Blaine nodded, and started wandering the parking lot. Kurt made sure he was always in sight, and not just because he liked looking. Who knew if the assholes who did this were still lurking somewhere?

But yeah, he did like looking.

As he tried to position the jack and keep an eye on Blaine at the same time, which actually worked since his dad taught him how to do this when he was nine, he was suddenly struck by something.

He was changing Blaine’s tire for him.

This was an Act of Service.

His heart started pounding. He hadn’t even been taking notes! What had Blaine done when he initially offered? He’d said something, right, so Words? Had he touched him? Did this count as Quality Time, too? What exactly DIDN’T count as Quality Time, anyway?

“Kurt?”

Kurt snapped himself out of it to see Blaine kneeling in front of him, a large rock in each hand.

“You alright?” Blaine asked. 

“Yeah, sorry, just--” Dammit, Kurt could hear how breathless he sounded.

“Hey, don’t be sorry,” Blaine said, putting one of the rocks down to give him a quick pat on the arm.

Physical Touch, Kurt noted.

“I can’t believe this happened, either. I knew things were bad outside Dalton, but...not like this.”

Oh. Blaine thought he was panicked about the tire thing.

Which, maybe he was? He was definitely more keyed up than usual, he noticed. He should just focus on that, for now.

“Can’t say I had someone slash my tires before, if it makes you feel better,” Kurt continued. “Okay, put a rock on either side of the tire so it doesn’t roll away.”

He spent the next fifteen minutes on the tire, with Blaine acting as his mentee and occasional assistant. Aside from needing to be reminded to remove his hand from underneath the car when Kurt started to bring it back down to the ground, he didn’t do half bad.

“There you go,” Kurt said when it was all settled, putting a hand on his own leg and getting himself to his feet. His hand came away black, and when he looked down, there was dirt and even a bit of oil (from the jack maybe?) making two slightly uneven spots directly over his knees.

“Oh, man, Kurt, I’m so sorry,” Blaine said as he got up.

“Don’t,” Kurt said, his voice soft. “You didn’t do this.”

Blaine didn’t say anything, suddenly fascinated by his new tire, and Kurt didn’t like that one bit.

“Blaine,” He said, taking a step closer. “This is not your fault. Say that back to me.”

Nothing.

“Blaine. Say it.”

“I should have at least been able to do the tire,” Kurt barely heard him mumble.

“Blaine Anderson, you look at me right now.”

After a moment, Blaine reluctantly did.

“Do you think I should have been able to handle Karofsky alone?”

“No! I mean, not that you couldn’t, just that--”

“I couldn’t,” Kurt interrupted. “It got to a point where I couldn’t handle it on my own, and I needed help. So I asked for it. Was that weak, do you think?”

“No! Of course not, Kurt, why would--”

“Because that’s how you’re thinking of yourself right now. And I don’t like it. I really, really don’t.”

“That’s different, I should have learned this a long time ago--”

“Well, you didn’t, and now you have. And I was happy to do it, Blaine.”

“But, your pants--”

“You really think I care more about my goddamn pants than I care about you?”

Silence. A silence where Kurt tried to keep his cool while he internally worried that he’d given away far, far too much.

A silence that Kurt apparently couldn’t just let play out, because he started talking again. “Blaine, you’re worth it. Definitely worth some dirt stains that will wash out, but...more than that, too.”

Blaine looked up at him again, and Kurt couldn’t read the expression on his face. Blaine was usually pretty easy to read, but this…

Blaine had never looked at him like that.

He had to look away. “Come on, we should get to the garage before they close,” He muttered, heading back to the car and going around the front to get in the passenger seat.

It felt like ages before Blaine opened the door to get in on the driver’s side. When Kurt spared a subtle glance over to him, Blaine was staring at the steering wheel.

“Thanks, Kurt.”

Kurt barely heard him, it was almost a whisper. Before he could ask, though, Blaine started the car and cranked the radio, leaving no room for discussion.

As they drove, Kurt had to wonder whether this was a win or a loss, experiment-wise, but it was hard to focus over the blaring of Duran Duran. He decided to put it out of his mind until he was safe in his room, free to consider.

* * *

**  
_Acts of Service: Mixed results  
Response: Grateful, but muddied by guilt  
Responding Language: ???_   
**

**_Conclusions: I have no idea and maybe this is all just stupid and I should hang it up already_ **

* * *

And, as Kurt started on his nightly skincare routine, he seriously started to consider it.


End file.
